Everything I Was Told

You can't chop down a skyscraper. I learned the hard way.

I'd come to believe that the task would be simple. They tell you from an early age that you can do it. My first grade teacher said I could do anything if I put my mind to it. Other adults said the same thing when I asked to be sure I didn't mishear her. Anything! Chopping down a skyscraper certainly falls under the "anything" category. Television and magazines agreed—sneaker commercials and sports drink ads especially. But I was still skeptical about the prospects of actually chopping down a skyscraper. Then I saw a motivational poster on the waiting room wall at the dentist's office. It was a picture of a flying penguin; the caption underneath read BELIEF: KNOWING YOU CAN WHEN OTHERS SAY YOU CAN'T. I stopped at the library and checked-out two self-help books—Conquering the Impossible: Unleashing the Hidden You and The Superman Within. I swung by the Redbox and rented Miracle on 34^th Street and Rudy. Hmmm. Maybe you CAN shop down a skyscraper. I visited Home Depot and purchased an axe. When the grey clouds broke after a nasty thunderstorm—nature's way of reminding humankind that, eventually, everything will be okay (according to my inspiration wall calendar)—I stood beside the skyscraper with axe in hand. I closed my eyes and breathed in the nose and out the mouth, allowing my inner consciousness to align with the cosmos thus harnessing untapped physical strength. Then I prayed aloud to the omnipotent god of the King James Bible who promised that ANY request would be fulfilled through prayer. Finally, I believed really, really hard in myself. I swung.

My hands stung so badly when the axe's head smacked the skyscraper. And all I did was chip some paint. Stupid everything I was told!