A Hoarder's Christmas Wish List

1.      a clump of Collie dog fur stuck to a piece of chewed Double Mint gum

2.      17 Zip Lock bags full of spit-out mouthwash

3.      a new maplewood coffee table, buried under 500 pound of moldy National Geographic magazines

4.      a drawer full of discarded dentures

5.      a freezer stuffed with venison from a deer shot in 1997

6.      someone to fix the hole in the living room where the raccoons wander in

7.      more raccoons

8.      the complete Old Spice Deodorant stick collection

9.      my old Teddy Bear from when I was a toddler (the house fells empty without it)

10.  that toenail clipping that fell between the floorboards last summer

11.  dust

12.  my husband back (I know he’s in the bathroom somewhere)