Thursday, November 19, 2015

To angry white American males who demand their country back

-From whom? You stole it in the first place. Well, not YOU personally, but your immigrant/refugee blood relatives. In fact, you should be trying to give it back to the natives. Naming the mascots of high school football teams after the victims isn't suitable compensation.

-From when? The 1950's, I bet. You want every household on the block to be the Cleavers again. Your perception of history is about as black and white as Leave It To Beaver. What the producers of that show neglected to air was the mass discrimination of anyone who wasn't you. June Cleaver was probably a sobbing wreck between the canned laughs, Wally Cleaver was probably gay but kept it hush in fear of becoming the villain of a high school scare film, and the black neighbor…he never got to move Pine Street because the fire hose guarded the suburbs.  
-Why? Because you're an arrogant wimp, that's why. It's not good enough that you're a white male living in 21st century America. The marvelous advancement of medicine, science, and internet porn doesn't cut it. You want even MORE privilege. You're the cookie monster, and privilege is cookies. Brush those crumbs from that Hacksaw Jim Duggan beard; you've consumed more than your fair share.
-From where? You're standing on it, duh.
-What? You're country. You've made that quite clear on Facebook, Twitter, and at Cruz rallies and happy hour at Chuck's Bar and Bib Overhaul Wholesaler, and basically whenever you flap your pale face hole.
-How? That's the big question, ain't it? I'm sure you tried prayer already. Jesus would think you’re a prick too. Perhaps your scolding 187-character status update will ignite a movement, as though your See Dick Run brain could comprehend the extraordinarily nuanced situations that have led to you the delusional belief that your once-great nation was swiped from the pocket of your Van Heusen pleaded slacks.
You can have your country back when you pry it from the cold dead hands of everyone you fucked to get it in the first place.  

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