Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Hey Ellis

I have pledged to myself time and again to ignore the headlines and go back to writing Monongahela River Fish Power Rankings, or Gary Busey's Commencement Speech at Southwest Paducah Institute of Driveway Drainage, or whatnot. But I can't. My buddies say "less politics, and more Bumper Balls reviews." But I just can't.

The chorus of gobbledygook sung from the DC Shitshow All Star Band is an earworm that's munched into my brain and nests in the frontal cortex. (I mean, for Christ's sake, whenever Trump sullies the airwaves you can practically see the shiny zipper on the human body suit that disguises the babbling gollum underneath). Short of pouring potassium cyanide into my ear, I'll just have to deal. 

I don't blame Trump for the mess. He is who he is; I don't blame my four-year-old son when he dumps his bowl of noodles. I don't even blame the GOP in Congress, really. Sure, they're greedy cutthroat mercenaries who disembowel common feeders to feast like royalty themselves, but god love 'em for being true to themselves. Who I want to curb stomp with nuclear-tipped duct boots is the sea-to-sea league of nincompoops who rolled out the plush red carpets for the child king and his merry gaggle of dickheads. These people are the real disease, and they've developed pseudoscientific, dogmatic, patriotic antibodies to facts and critical thinking.

Regarding genetically engineering embryos to achieve certain traits—I recall my college Biology 301 professor saying that humans have evolved to the point where DNA can be altered so that a baby is born with blue-eyes and a cleft-chin, if that's the parents' desire. Therefore, the thinking goes, genetic engineering is as biologically natural as two penguins humping or a sprout of ragwort growing in a cruddy gutter. That concept blew my mind. That humans have developed the technology capable of destroying the planet via greenhouse gases or H-bombs, or mastered the mass manipulation skills to convince a zombie population to vote against their own interests, etc, etc, etc...I can't help but think that the self-inflicted oxidation of mankind is simply nature taking its course, albeit in a macabre yet poetic way, like when a bee stings an enemy to survive, but dies when it rips its fucking guts out attempting to flee. 

As George Carlin once said, we in America have front row seats to the freak show that is humanity. Maybe it's time to stop throwing tomatoes at the stage, and start eating popcorn instead. White cheddar, please.

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