Wednesday, September 28, 2016

DemoCRAZY: A Bullhorn For The Witless

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

Democracy gives everyone a voice. EVERYONE! That's the problem, folks.
How did Donald Trump escalate to Republican nominee for President of the United States? He didn't flip a coin into a wishing well, close his eyes and wish really, really hard. No, a too large segment of "everyone" escalated him to Republican nominee for President of the United States.

I don't harbor unique disdain for Donald Trump. I don't. He's a misguided shithead, sure, but so are countless others. He's just the most well-known misguided shithead. In fact, I think he's somewhat endearing: a caricature of a parody of a ham-fisted blowhard. He's akin to a classic Saturday morning cartoon villain, like Snidely Whiplash or Boris Badenov. For me, it's hard to rage against him because he seems silly and fake. I don't rage against Skelator. But in a way, Trump is fake. He's merely a physical manifestation of the most disgusting qualities of the hillbilly Sherpas who've lugged him to the peak of Mount Politico.

Remember the pink slime from Ghostbusters 2? (First, remember that there is a Ghostbusters 2?) The river of slime flowing among the abandoned underground subway system was a tangible symptom of the collective rage of New Yorkers. The slime grew in lockstep with every "Hey, I'm walkin' here," or "Get the fuck outta' my way, ass fucker". Donald Trump is the slime in Ghostbusters 2, birthed by of the collective rage of the "basket of deplorables" from sea to bigoted sea.

As long as the slime remains in the subway, it's harmless. Unfortunately, we're potentially months away from being swallowed.

Why? Because everyone has a voice, that's why. Every soccer mom who is afraid of being t-boned by an unlicensed Mexican driver, every unemployed Appalachian coal miner who refuses to accept that his old job is obsolete and it's time to plant a windmill, every white Kid Rock fan who sneers at the #blacklivesmatter hashtag…all those and their ilk have a goddamned voice. And they're speaking together. On November 8th witness a conga line of the witless--armed from brim to ball sac with concealed Glocks, Dixie flag Underoos, and IQs befitting a concussed wombat--strut into the neighborhood Catholic elementary school or Polish Hall and cast a vote to Make America Fucking Great Again.

These loudmouths are the ones to choke. They suffocate, and so does Dr. Claw.
Choke may be too brutal a tactic, but ridicule is not. Trump supporters deserve ridicule of the harshest variety. If you care the slightest about the future, you shouldn't have to ask why Trump supporters should face the most vivid distinctions in the Urban Dictionary. For instance, Trump doesn't even acknowledge the bleak science driving climate change, let alone plan to act. Whoever supports a candidate for President of the United States who proclaims climate change a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese is worthy of a barrage of derogatory kill shots.

I'm no tree-hugging peacenik, but I want my grandchildren to not worry about the riptide when they play in their backyard in Western PA. Shit, it's my duty as a parent to do what it takes, short of felony charges, to press the mute button on democracy. At least until Simon Bar Sinister perishes in a lab explosion.   

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